I love to write. It gives me a purpose in life. It brings me joy and a way to express myself freely. I have always had a creative mind. I am constantly flooded with new ideas and stories that I must get written down as soon as possible. I live my life in a constant daydream of scenarios and fantasy worlds.
Unfortunately, things have drastically changed. I was sent to work from home, as was most of the United Kingdom. My job was not the best, but it was enough to get by on. I was an outbound sales agent for a gas and electricity company. Not the job I wanted in the slightest, but it payed the bills. When in the office, you could laugh about someone telling you to fuck off with your colleagues, and it didn’t seem so bad. However when at home, everything changes. When you are sat on your own in your home and the same thing happens, it becomes more difficult to shake it off.
My mental health took a significant tumble. It was not worse than the experiences of some people during this pandemic by any means. Unfortunately, I was dismissed from my workplace due to my suffering mental health and now found myself jobless. I appealed this decision, but ultimately it led nowhere. I was now struggling to get by without a job and constant worry filled my mind over how I was going to get money. Once again, my struggle is by no means worse than that of some people during this exceedingly difficult time.
At first, I tried to take this as a good thing. I would now have more time to focus on my writing and achieving my goal. However after a while, my motivation depleted. I would wake up and just sit on the sofa day after day achieving nothing. I could not find the motivation to move or engage my brain in any way. Watching television became a strain so I would often just sit in silence for days on end. Even checking my phone became a difficult task. I retreated from Twitter and postponed a lot of my upcoming projects because I simply could not find the energy to carry through with them. I was completely drained all of the time.
In the last month, I have been taking small steps to recovering myself and my motivation. It started by just stepping out of the flat for ten minutes at a time and re-watching comfort shows that I did not have to fully engage in. I have started taking longer walks, pushing myself further each day. I have taken my camera with me for the first time in months this week to get back into something I love, photography.
I have not yet restarted my writing projects, but I am using this post as a starting block. Hopefully, this will inspire me to carry on my projects and rekindle the passionate fire I have for writing. I will try to become more active on my social media sites slowly but surely, as I have missed each and every one of you.
Each day seems to be getting brighter. Each day I have motivated myself to carry on and push myself one step further. I would not have been able to do this without the support of my fiancé and my amazing group of friends. They have been there whenever I have felt low to raise me back up again. I am starting to finally see a purpose to getting out of bed on a morning.
I hope to keep up my spirits and motivation. I look forward to what the future has to bring for myself, and for all of you!